PUPPET FIGHT 3: THE BROOM CUPBOARD - Warped Factor - Words in the Key of Geek.

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Step right up, puppet fans! Today, we're breaking the confines of the CBBC broom cupboard to witness a fantastical spectacle. Four legendary puppets of the British television scene are stepping into the Puppet Wrestling Federation (PWF) arena for a no-holds-barred battle royale. Grab your popcorn, folks, because Gordon the Gopher, Edd the Duck, Otis the Aardvark, and Hacker T Dog are about to duke it out for puppet supremacy.

We commence with the introduction of our first contender, the seemingly mild-mannered Gordon the Gopher. As the longest resident of the broom cupboard, he's honed his gopher skills to perfection, and his squeaky silence could be a deceptive guise for surprising strategy.

Following Gordon is the vibrant Edd the Duck. His green mohawk and wild personality are an immediate show stealer, but could his anarchic attitude give him an edge in the ring?

Otis the Aardvark rolls in next, his bulbous nose sniffing out the competition. With his witty banter and down-to-earth approach, he's definitely a crowd favourite, but can he convert that into victory?

Lastly, the tech-savvy and mischievous Hacker T Dog struts into the arena, his distinctive Northern accent filling the air. He might be the youngest of the bunch, but he's shown time and time again that he can keep up with the best of them.

The bell rings, and the brawl is on. The four puppets explode into action. Gordon, despite his non-threatening appearance, shows an unanticipated aggression, his silent squeaks translating into swift and calculated strikes. Edd, in contrast, dives headfirst into the fray, his anarchic energy fuelling a whirlwind of action.

Otis, while initially struggling to keep pace, adapts quickly, using his wits and sharp tongue to keep the others off balance. Hacker T Dog, despite being momentarily overwhelmed, uses his tech savvy to turn the odds in his favour, employing a remote-controlled car to cause chaos in the ring.

The dog's not the only one who is employing additional resources, as whilst Otis and Gordon watch the tiny toy car zoom between their legs, Edd the Duck produces a surprise from under his neon mohawk: a shiv, carefully crafted from a hardened lollipop stick. The sight of it causes a ripple of gasps through the crowd. Edd, ever the wild card, cackles with delight, his anarchic energy reaching new heights.

Deftly stamping on Hacker's remote-control car and swinging his makeshift weapon with reckless abandon, Edd manages to force his opponents back into their respective corners, creating a small circle of safety for himself in the center of the ring. The other puppets eye the candy shiv warily, re-evaluating their strategies against this newly armed and dangerously unpredictable duck.

As the duck rotates and surveys his domain, Gordon seizes his chance and strikes Edd from behind, forcing him to crash into Hacker, and causing the terrier to drop his remote. In a flash, Gordon snatches it and forces it into Hacker's mouth, straight down his gullet, leaving him as mute as the Gopher has been since first gracing our screens in 1985. Edd, dazed, slowly finds his footing, while Otis, watching the events unfold, considers a different tactic.

Proposing an alliance. Gordon and Otis form a brief pact to face off against Edd, while Hacker heads to his corner so coach Iain Stirling can help release the remote from his throat and top him up with some meat paste.

Noticing the shiv on the floor, Otis seizes the weapon, and as Gordon holds Edd down, the Duck is filleted to the sound of silence from a traumatised crowd. The Gopher/Aardvark alliance is quickly dissolved as the sight of Gordon pulling the fluff from Edd's tummy proves too much for Otis, and with a final lunge he pierces Gordon's chest, and leather jacket (the one Adam Ant gave him) and two puppets lie motionless on the floor. 

Now fully meat-pasted up, and with his dolcett Wigan tones reestablished, Hacker sets his site on the only contender left. As Otis looks down in disgust to survey the furry blood on his hands, Hacker grabs a laptop. With a final flurry of action, Hacker strikes the aardvark across the back of his head. As Otis tries to stumble to his feet, Hacker springs and launches a blistering dropkick, sending the aardvark tumbling over the ropes and out of the ring.

As the countdown concludes, only one puppet remains in the ring. Hacker T Dog stands victorious, panting heavily but beaming with pride. He's proven that youth and technical smarts can indeed triumph in this puppet showdown.

So, the Puppet Wrestling Federation has a new champion: Hacker T Dog, the mischievous and tech-savvy dog from Wigan. His cunning and agility, coupled with his chaotic charm, reigned supreme in a whirlwind of a match that demonstrated the best of CBBC puppetry, coupled with some of the most violent fur-shed the PWF has ever seen. The crowd will remember this match for many years to come. The friends they welcomed into their homes during those innocent youthful days are now the source of future nightmares.

Each puppet showed their strengths, brought their unique traits into play, and fought with everything they had. Gordon's silent but precise strategy, Edd's chaotic energy, and Otis's down-to-earth wit were all formidable in their own right, but it was Hacker's tech-savvy cunning that sealed the deal.

From this arena of foam and fur, Hacker has shown the world that even the smallest dog can have the loudest bark. So, let's raise a toast to Hacker T Dog, the puppet champion, and to all the contenders who made this unforgettable spectacle possible. Till the next Puppet Fight, folks!

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