Which Tom Is The Best Tom? - Warped Factor - Words in the Key of Geek.

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Which Tom Is The Best Tom?

It's a question that has likely kept you up at night pondering the answer - when it comes to Toms, and famous Toms at that, which Tom is the best Tom? Well now, thanks to our patented unique Tom-sorting solution (the formula for which remains a closely guarded secret) we can finally reveal the answer...
Famous Toms! Love them or hate them, you'd be foolish to deny their existence. You've seen them on TV, watched them at the cinema, listened to them on the radio, and you've read about them in your favourite trashy magazines. We all know Toms. But what you might not know is that Tom is now the most common name among celebrity folk. In fact a recent survey discovered that you are 78% more likely to become famous simply by changing your name to Tom. Probably.

I suspect you, dear reader, like everyone else on the planet, have your favourite Tom already. After all, many famous Toms have come into our lives to entertain us across the years, each leaving a Tom shaped impression on our hearts. You have also at some point in time quite likely found yourself pondering, which Tom is the best Tom? And how could I ever sort them into some kind of definitive list of terrific Toms?

Perhaps you initially came to the conclusion that the only way to ever find out would be to design some kind of elaborate Tom-catching trap - most likely involving several adapted big-cat cages and a variety of items purchased from 'the middle of Lidl' to keep them restrained - and then round-up as many famous Toms as your cages would carry before a different famous Tom cottoned on to your plan and managed to get a restraining order against you, then whisk your captive Toms off to some deserted island, and pit them all against each other in some kind of Hunger Games/Battle Royale scenario to determine the champion Tom. Eventually sorting and ranking them all in order of who survived the longest. It makes sense, and until now this was really the only reasonable option, but wouldn't it be easy if there was another way which didn't involve death?

Fear not, dear reader. Your Tom-sorting nightmare is near its end. Thanks to our unique patented Tom-sorting solution we can finally answer the question, which famous Tom is the best Tom? But does yours make the cut below? All will be revealed after a brief selection of honourable mentions...

Honourable Mentions
As noted above, there are hundreds of thousands of famous Toms (and another 150 potentially famous Toms have been born since you started reading this article. Or thereabouts), some of which you may think might, or indeed should, be included in this countdown. However, you are not privy to the unique Tom-sorting solution's methods, so you'd be wrong. But it would be remiss of us to at least not tip a gentleman's hat towards these near-tremendous Toms who nearly, so very nearly, made the top 25 list.

Narrowly missing out we have Tom Kenny (if it was a list of famous Toms who voice sponges that live in a pineapple under the sea then he'd most definitely be in with a shout for the top spot) Tom Ellis, Talking Tom (freaks me out!), Tom Brady, Tom Sawyer (outshone by Huckleberry Finn), Tom the 2016 Summer Paralympic mascot, Thomas the Tank Engine (refuses to let us abbreviate his name to Tom, not even for a place on the countdown. I respect his principles but do feel he's missing out on additional fame), Tree Fu Tom (even the Doctor Who connection couldn't get this Tom in our top 25), Peeping Tom (pervert), Uncle Tom (racist), Tom Bosley (but he was great as Howard Cunningham in Happy Days), Tom O'Connor, Tom Petty (but I Won't Back Down is a stone cold classic), Tom Jones (if it was a list of purely Welsh Toms who ooze the sex appeal then he'd win hands down), Tom Thumb (too small to make an impression), Tom Welling (perhaps it was the Curse of Superman keeping this Tom out of the top 25) and Tom Felton (meh),

But now, the main event! Prepare yourself as we count down the top ten of tremendously terrific Toms...
25. Tom Riddle - The chap who became Lord Voldemort. He’d rank higher, but someone split his soul. Tricky business, that.

24. Tom Servo - From Mystery Science Theater 3000, he's a robot, a critic, a singer, and all-in-one sarcastic package.

23. Tommen Baratheon - Ah, young love. If only he'd had a better mother...or a window guard.

22. Tom Paris - Piloting his way from Starfleet's bad books to Voyager’s helm. Plus, he made "Captain Proton" a thing!

21. Tom Bombadil - Mysteriously absent from the LOTR films. Too much singing? Or perhaps he was just too jolly for Sauron.

20. Tom from MySpace - The first friend many of us had in the digital age. Still waiting for him to accept our Friendster request.

19. Tom Nook - The raccoon from Animal Crossing. Somehow makes crippling debt feel...adorable?

18. Tom Collins - Okay, technically a drink, but also a key character in "RENT". Two birds, one stone.

17. Tom Riker - What happens when transporter glitches and daddy issues collide in Star Trek.

16. Tom Friendly - From LOST. Never quite figured out if he was good, bad, or just really needed a better name.

15. Tom Builder - The mason from "Pillars of the Earth". Builds cathedrals and drama in equal measure.

14. Tom Arnold's character in True Lies - The reliable sidekick. Proof that every action hero needs a Tom.

13. Tom the Innkeeper - Shoutout to the most patient barkeep in the Harry Potter series.

12. Tom Tucker - Family Guy's mustached newsman. Because someone has to keep Quahog informed.

11. Tom 'Iceman' Kazansky - Val Kilmer’s character in Top Gun. Had the best volleyball moves.

And now, buckle up, because we're diving into the Top 10:

10. Tom Branson - Downton Abbey’s Irish revolutionary turned estate manager. A social mobility story with a dash of tweed.

9. Tom Wambsgans - The love-to-hate-him character from "Succession". Masterclass in awkward dancing and making "Boar on the floor" a thing.

8. Tom Selleck - With his signature mustache, this Tom gets double points for both real and character name. Yep, his most iconic role was as Thomas Magnum in the hit TV series "Magnum, P.I." His commanding presence on screen combined with a natural charisma has led to a successful career in both television and film.

7. Tom Haverford - From Parks and Recreation. For every time you said "Treat Yo Self", thank this man. And also his snake juice.

6. Tom Holland - the charismatic British actor, gained global acclaim as Spider-Man in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. His youthful energy and authentic portrayal of Peter Parker resonates with both new and longtime fans, solidifying his place as a standout performer in a galaxy of superheroes.

5. Tom Hardy's Bane - You thought he'd be masked at a low rank? Think again. His rank rises with the fire.

4. Tom Cruise - The iconic Hollywood actor who seems to always be running has a career spanning decades. Cruise's dedication to performing his own stunts distinguishes him as not just a leading man, but a true action star with unmatched intensity and commitment. Truly worthy of a top Tom top 5 space in every way.

3. Tom Hiddleston’s Loki - Mischief, brotherly drama, and some serious hair goals. Almost made us forgive him for New York.

2. Tom Baker - With a cascade of curly hair and an iconic scarf that seemed endless, Tom Baker's portrayal of the Fourth Doctor in "Doctor Who" remains one of the most unforgettable iterations of the Time Lord. His whimsical approach to the universe's challenges, combined with his deep resonant voice and enigmatic eyes, made him an enduring favorite among Whovians. Even today, Baker's Doctor is a touchstone for the series, representing an era where the blend of science fiction, history, and quirky British humor reached new heights. His charm, wit, and unmistakable style gave the Doctor a larger-than-life persona, ensuring Baker's place in the pantheon of TV legends.

1. Tom from Tom & Jerry - The epitome of persistence, Tom, the ever-hopeful cat, has entertained generations with his relentless yet comically futile attempts to outsmart Jerry, his mouse nemesis. With each episode presenting a new scheme, trap, or wild chase, Tom's silent antics are a testament to the power of visual comedy. While he rarely succeeded, his failures became our joy. Tom's resilience, combined with his range of exaggerated expressions - from frustration to hope to sheer disbelief - makes him an animation icon. In a world filled with spoken punchlines, Tom proves that sometimes, humor needs no words.

And there you have it! The undeniable, irrefutable, and entirely subjective ranking of Toms from the universe of geekdom. Who’d have thought it’d take a worldwide spanning fictional quest and a secret formula to tell you what you probably guessed when you were five - no Tom has ever provided more laughter, slapstick, and downright perseverance than our top cat. But remember, in the world of Toms, there’s no right or wrong... just a lot of people, animals, and characters with the same first name.

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