The Strangest Ever JAMES BOND Merchandise - Warped Factor - Words in the Key of Geek.

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The Strangest Ever JAMES BOND Merchandise

Prepared to be shaken and stirred by this collection of weird Bond related items...

Daniel Craig Ice Lolly
Did you know that there's a National Ice Cream Week? Nope, neither did I. But there is, and for the 2009 event Del Monte ran a survey to (and honestly, I'm not making this up) discover which male celebrity women would most like to "get their tongue around".

Daniel Craig beat Jude Law and Hugh Grant, and so he was turned into a Superfruit Smoothie, made from a "refreshing blend of blueberries, pomegranate and cranberries". His mum must be so proud!

Altogether now - "Coldfinger (dah, dah daaaah....)"

James Bond Rubber Bands
Poor Sean Connery, he never once had an ice lolly crafted after his physique, even though his Bond is often considered to be of 'superior quality' - something the makers of these rubber bands clearly took good advantage of. I know when I go shopping for rubber bands, I always insist on the superior quality ones with the Bond stamp of approval.

James Bond KFC Character Ties
KFC smartly understood that many of us would like to be Bond, even if only for one day. So in a clever bit of promotion the purveyors of deep fried chicken gave their customers the chance to do just that. And how would you be Bond for a day? Simple, buy an 8 piece bucket meal and then pay extra to nab yourself a James Bond character tie - the ladies wouldn't be able to resist that class!

Moonraker Candy Cigarettes
The 1970s were a very different time. An era when it was still OK to sell candy cigarettes to pre-school children so they could learn at that early age the proper way to hold their 'fag' (again, different time).

Plans for Drax themed rolling tobacco, and a Jaws 'combined pipe and bong set' were unfortunately nixed!

But on the subject of Jaws...

Jaws Mask
Halloween costumes today are pretty awesome and inventive with little to no expense spared to look like your favourite character, on-screen bad guy or horror hero. However it wasn't so long back when Halloween masks were made of hard plastic with sharp edges and a ridiculously tight piece of elastic to strap round your head (which would snap within 6 minutes).

Just imagine a 8 year old coming to your door in this and tell me it's not infinitely more terrifying that the best Freddy Krueger costume.

Octopussy Spin Saw
As someone who was a child in the 70s I sometimes wonder how the hell am I still alive and in possession of all my appendages?

When Octopussy introduced us to the henchmen brandishing the razor yo-yo, naturally Wembley Toys though 'ch-ching' and produced a product for children everywhere to attack each other with.

Great days!

007 Candle
I don't know about you but I've long considered that in-between missions 007 gathers his essential oils, runs himself a nice bath, lights an expensive candle or two and relaxes with the distinctive scent combination of an Aston Martin and a dry Martini. Oh, if only we could recreate that lifestyle.

But wait!

Promising the "distinctive combination of the interior of an Aston Martin and a dry Martini", the 007 candle from Tocca can buy you that James Bond lifestyle for the low, low price of just £40.

Roger Moore Sunglasses
You know that period of time when Roger Moore was just a tad too old to play James Bond and wore dark glasses that made him look a little bit like that creepy uncle who always insisted you sat on his knee?

Moving on...

James Bond Commemorative Plates
You know how your Aunt used to collect those commemorative plates of dogs and Royal family members and such? Using them to fill the void in her life whilst maintaining the facade of marriage to your creepy Uncle. Well now the Bond-loving gin-drinking depression-battling Express-reading middle-aged lady is finally catered for with this 'fine' array of James Bond themed plates.

My favourite is the Goldfinger one in the top right hand corner. Featuring Bond looking overly smug after a particularly heavy lunch at the Little Chef on the A26.

And finally...

Sean Connery James Bond 007 Action Figure
Relive those days when the original big screen Bond tried to get to grip with his Little Chef obsession, but ended up battling against bulimia, with an ultra unrealistic Sean Connery Bond action figure. Ready for a day at the beach, he's seemingly borrowed Barbie's legs and is struggling to stand-up under the weight of his own head.

Hours of fun!

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