The Strangest Ever STAR WARS Merchandise - Warped Factor - Words in the Key of Geek.

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The Strangest Ever STAR WARS Merchandise

Licensing, thy name is Lucas.

No other franchise can touch Star Wars for the enormous variety of merchandise available. Over the years George Lucas licensed the name and characters to companies so they could produce action figures, cereal, lunchboxes, aftershave, replica costumes, comics, bedding etc etc etc and that's just the sensible stuff! It seems everyone and their dog (literally, as we'll discover) want in on the Star Wars action, so once Disney got their hands on the franchise their licensing department must've had a massive party.

We've gathered up some of the strangest, most bizarre Star Wars cash-ins that have appeared on the shelves over the last 40 years. I have to say, I love Star Wars as much as the next man, but I'm not sure I'd be investing in any of these...

C-3PO Tape Dispenser
Right there at the top of the page you will see that not only are Protocol Droids great at translating alien languages but they also dispense sticky tape from between their crotch. "Oh, Master Luke!"

Lando Calrission Disguise Kit
Or simply put, "a mustache"

Eue de Lando
Grab your disguise kit and complete the Lando Calrissian experience with this limited edition aftershave. There was also a Slave Leia perfume available for the ladies!

Jar Jar Binks Lollipop
Also for the ladies (a-hem) and available in all good Ann Summers stores nationwide.
Whilst we're at that level...

R2-D2 One Piece
It's licensed as a swim suit but on certain 'specialist' sites it's sold as lingerie. I'm not sure how I feel about that idea. I kind of think that no matter how alluring the proposition you wouldn't be able to get little Kenny Baker out of your mind. I just have images of him lifting the top and screaming "STOP!". Or is that just me?

R2-D2 Meat Smoker
That's much more like it. Although again, poor half-smoked Kenny Baker. And what on Earth made the manufacturers of this meat smoker think they'd sell more product by paying Lucusfilm a licence fee and making it look ever so slightly like R2 is a mystery. But they did.

Light Saber Air Sickness Bags
Produced by Virgin Atlantic to promote Revenge Of The Sith. Well, I did kinda feel sick after watching the Prequels, so.......

Tauntaun Sleeping Bag
For those times you want to spend the night inside the disemboweled carcass of a previously loyal companion.

Dark Vador Burger
Produced by a fast food chain in Belgium, but that's no excuse. How anyone could ever think that what is on offer in that poster looks appetizing is beyond me, even worse though is the real thing...

...OH LORD NO! Quick, pass me that Revenge of the Sith sick bag. Alternatively, just rush to the...

Star Wars Toilet Set
Featuring Millennium Falcon toilet seat and Light Saber plunger. Apparently there is also a waterproof (I should hope so) detail to attach inside the toilet itself which depicts the Great Pit of Carkoon. Well OK then.

Complete the experience with...

Star Wars Toilet Paper
Feel free to caption that expression Yoda is making. My guess "Wipe my a*se with this, I will".

AT-AT Dog Costume 
How would you actually get your dog to stay in this thing? But if you manage to then combine it with the next bit of merchandise for maximum 'walkies' fun...

Imperial 'Walker'
Never give up on the Star Wars dream no matter how old you are with this marvelous Imperial 'Walker'. I already have my order in for this AT-AT elderly support system. How cool will I look with my AT-AT costume wearing guide dog by my side as we shuffle our way to the local store together? Especially in the snow. 

Personally recreating the Battle of Hoth in my senior years, well that's the dream, isn't it?

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