The Strangest Ever STAR TREK Merchandise. UPDATE With The Ultimate Crap Item! - Warped Factor - Words in the Key of Geek.

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The Strangest Ever STAR TREK Merchandise. UPDATE With The Ultimate Crap Item!

Prepare to boldly go into the bizarre...

When a franchise is as loved as Star Trek is then you know there will be be an enormous amount of merchandise out there to tempt fans to part with their hard earned cash. Some of these items are pretty cool and it's clear a lot of time and care has gone into creating them, but others?...Well...not so much!

We've gathered up some of the strangest, most bizarre Star Trek cash-ins that have appeared on the shelves over the last 49 years. I have to say, I love Trek as much as the next man, but I'm not sure I'd be investing in any of these...

Star Trek V Marshmallow Dispenser
In Star Trek V: The Final Frontier, Captain Spock brought a "marshmellon" dispenser with him while camping at Yosemite National Park, so he could roast a marshmallow over a fire with a stick. Not wanting to miss out on a clear marketing opportunity Kraft Co. sold replicas of Spock's marshmallow dispenser for their Kraft "Jet-Puffed" marshmallows.

Star Trek Titanium Spork
I'm not sure there is any evidence that spork's are the utensil of choice on board the Enterprise, but never let that stop someone making a quick buck. Presumably someone thought Spock sounds a bit like spork, and voila - ch-ching. Your very own Star Trek spork will set you back $19.99, alternatively you can get a free plastic one from KFC.

Vulcan Land Deed
You know those people who buy a plot on the moon or name a star after a loved one? Suddenly they don't seem so silly. You see, the moon exists (I know it does, I've just checked out the window), and those stars might well be dead but they shine up there in the sky. However, and I'm sorry to burst some of your bubbles here, Vulcan is entirely made up! So why anyone would pay $39.99 for a plot of land on the imaginary planet is beyond me.

Spock Breast Meld Pocket Flask
I can only assume this is not an officially licensed product! Commander Spock administers the first ever Vulcan Breast Meld. Ladies, you'll be needing a drink after that.

Official Star Trek Skydiving Parachute
You remember that time when Spock went skydiving out of the Enterprise airlock? No, me neither.

Star Trek Nutcrackers
'Tis the season and all that, so if the Vulcan Nerve Pinch isn't enough to crack your walnuts open then try the Vulcan Nut Cracker.

Star Trek Metal Detector
"Search for hidden metal as though you were exploring an alien planet"... or the beach!

Part of me thinks this is really cool, but that's the kid in me that would've gotten beaten for dressing like Spock and combing the beach with an Enterprise shaped metal detector.

Star Trek Casket
For when you've boldly gone.

Made to resemble Spock's torpedo casket which he was shot out into space in during Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan. Whether it also means you'll be revived via the Genesis Project is unclear.

Star Trek Voice Activated Lighting System
At last you can finally pretend to be Captain Picard. Now, every time you walk into the room you can say "lights!" and your lights will turn on. "Lights off" not surprisingly turns the lights off, and "dim lights" does exactly what you'd think. It even includes samples of the actual Enterprise's computer voice (Majel Barrett) to respond to your commands.

Or you could just flick the lights on yourself.

Star Trek themed Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
I like a good genre mash-up as much as the next guy, but... really?

This bit of madness came out in 1994, presumably in the hope to cash in on the fanbase of both franchises, but I don't think it's doing either one any favours. The most bizarre thing about this is that the Turtles seem to have sprouted heads full of hair!...

I wonder if there was a range planned featuring the Enterprise crew wearing turtle shells and eating pizza?

Now that I would've bought!

Thank you to everyone who commented and e-mailed to mention that this list just couldn't be complete without this item...

Remco Star Trek Space Fun Helmet
Remco were one of the first companies to produce licensed toys for the Star Trek franchise, and this item is an almost exact replica of the helmet worn by Spock in the TOS episode "Spock's Magical Space Fun Helmet".

You remember that episode, right? It was when Spock's brain started leaking out of his ear and he was becoming all illogical and stuff. So Captain Kirk had a special helmet produced to contain his logic and stuff. Spock then forgot his name so they wrote it on his head with one of them thick Sharpies, and stuff like that with a flashing light and antenna. Yeah, sure, you remember? Right?..

...and then JJ Abrams paid tribute to it in a deleted scene from Star Trek Into Darkness...

...turns out Spock's brain leak was the source of all the lens flare! Who knew?

OK, so clearly none of that is true. It seems that all Remco did to produce this product was dig out some old helmet and write the word Spock on it.


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