Doctor Who: Steven Moffat "I Don't Want To Go"

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Have you seen this man?...


In an unexpected turn of events, Steven Moffat OBE has declared himself the "Executive Producer Victorious" and plans to fight incumbent Doctor Who showrunner Chris Chibnall so that he can stay on with the series for "the remainder of [his] natural life, longer if [he] can help it".

Moffat, who also writes & produces the BBC's other series Sherlock and runs a successful oven company, released a statement earlier this morning,
"I've made a terrible mistake. It's clear to me now that I'm the only person who can look after the Doctor in the way he needs to be cared for. Chibby just isn't up to the task, and had I seen Broadchurch series two before signing off on him then it never would've happened.

I don't want to go, but the moment has been prepared for. The fans obviously want me to stay as showrunner for the remainder of my natural life, longer if I can help it. I spoke with Chibby earlier this week and he refuses to pull out. I've given him a chance but now I'm going to have to make him back down good and proper.

Chibby, I'm talking to you now you soft southern excuse for a showrunner, get yourself to Porth Teigr and meet me by the bins out the back of The Doctor Who Experience at 11 o'clock this morning so we can settle this once and for all. Come alone, kiss your little DWAS friends goodbye, and face me like a man. None of that legal contract shite you keep telling me about will help you today my friend. I’ll show you exactly who I am.

The Executive Producer Victorious."

Moffat's current whereabouts are unknown. His wife Sue Vertue confirmed that his went missing earlier this morning,
"Steven hasn't slept properly for days. I thought it was just from the excitement of Easter and all the eggs he ate at the weekend, but he started to become irritable yesterday and I should've seen the signs. He left the house around 3 o'clock this morning muttering something about "fighting him for it". I blame myself, Steven's been such a good boy recently that I let him be in charge of his own pills. I suspect he's not been taking them, although they are missing.

The last time Steven was off his meds he commissioned a sequel to Sleep No More, it's horrifying to think what might happen now. If anyone sees Steven please approach him with caution. His pills are likely in his back pocket, he probably won't take them of his own accord so you may have to wrap them in some ham, he won't be able to resist that. We use the same trick to get the cat to take her worming tablets."
Chris Chibnall was unavailable for comment as he was still in bed when reporters called at his Lancashire home. Chibnall's mother answered,
"I don't know anything about no fight but I told Christopher he won't be going out today unless his room is proper tidy. It's a bloody disgrace up there."
A spokesman for The Doctor Who Exhibition said there had been no sightings of Moffat as yet but they had installed a webcam pointing towards the bins which can be viewed here.

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