Doctor Who: The Lives And Loves Of A He-Devil

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Chris Morley looks at the Master's many brushes with romance.


Whilst our current Prime Minister has husband Philip & her predecessor had lovely wife Samantha, when Russell T Davies capped off the big reveal of the Master's return by plonking John Simm feet under the desk of 10 Downing Street, he gave this new political animal the must have accessory for any such type - a spouse.



The woman in question was Lucy Saxon, who appeared to play the role of Mrs Prime Minister to perfection......
LUCY: Oh, can't I just have an hour to myself? It's been a hell of a day.
VIVIEN: Oh, strike while the iron's hot, that's what I say, Lucy. I can call you Lucy, can't I? Now, everyone's talking about Harold Saxon, but I thought, What about the wife? All I need is twenty minutes.
LUCY: Oh, I think maybe we should wait.
VIVIEN: The headline's waiting to print. The Power Behind the Throne.
LUCY: Really?
VIVIEN: Britain's First Lady.
LUCY: Gosh.
VIVIEN: Front page.
LUCY: Oh. Well, I suppose. Oh, go on then. Twenty minutes.
Inevitably the press are keen to poke their noses into a background that just seems too good to be true. Which it is, of course.
"All of it. The school days, his degree, even his mother and father, it's all invented. Look, Harold Saxon never went to Cambridge. There was no Harold Saxon. The thing is, it's obvious. The forgery is screaming out and yet no one can see it. It's as if he's mesmerized the entire world."
Including his missus, who seems relatively willing to accept things as they are. Mind you what's the point when by way of a sort of warped date he'd taken her to see the end of the universe?
MASTER: I took Lucy to Utopia. A Time Lord and his human companion. I took her to see the stars. Isn't that right, sweetheart?
LUCY: Trillions of years into the future, to the end of the universe.
MASTER: Tell him what you saw.
LUCY: Dying. Everything dying. The whole of creation was falling apart, and I thought, there's no point. No point to anything. Not ever.
All a long time ago next to the first time he'd sort of tried the whole matrimony thing during the 1996 TV Movie when the bizarre snake-thingy containing the Master's life essence transferred itself into Bruce the paramedic. Bruce's better-half thought his awakening in the new body was part of some bedroom fantasy. Kinky!


MIRANDA: A sense of humour. No more snoring. You don't need a doctor. Come back to bed, honey.
BRUCE: My name is not Honey.
MIRANDA: Oh well, what would you like me to call you, then?
BRUCE: Master will do.
Oo err missus! But even this wasn't his first brush with such affairs, going so far as to woo Queen Galleria of Atlantis into his plot to use the power of Kronos for his own ends.


She's definitely tempted, the minx.
GALLEIA: But what did you think of him, Lakis?
LAKIS: He had the bearing of a god, Lady.
GALLEIA: My very thoughts. In fact, my very words. Are you teasing me, girl? Would you dare?
LAKIS: No, Lady, no.
GALLEIA: No, I hardly think you would. Are you frightened? I shan't be angered by your reply if it is an honest one.
LAKIS: I like the Lord Hippias better.
GALLEIA: A sweetmeat. A confection for a child's taste. I prefer this Master. He would not cloy upon the tongue as Hippias does.
LAKIS: He is a very handsome man, Lady.
The kingdom-wrecking devil, eh? But it does show there are precedents for his later attempt to remodel the then present day United one in his own image with the help of the nearest thing he & Lucy will ever have to children...



...Not that the marriage ends well, as she seemingly fatally shoots him. But then, in a plot twist worthy of Dallas - Who Shot JS, as opposed to Who Shot JR, you might say, he returns from the dead, still appearing as young & strong as he'd wished to be upon the expiry of his Yana body, but with a difference. He's hungry, very very hungry....
LUCY: I'm begging you! Stop this now before it's too late!
GOVERNOR: We give ourselves that Saxon might live.
LUCY: Can't you see? He lied to you. His name isn't even Harold Saxon.
GOVERNOR: And this was written also, for his name is the Master!
MASTER: Never. Never. Never. Never. Never dying. Never dying! Never dying! Never dying! Never dying! Bwahahahahahaha! Oh, Lucy. Sweet Lucy Saxon. My ever faithful. Did the widow's kiss bring me back to life?

In a rather bewildering sort of bromance the Master appears to breathe his last breath in the arms of his oldest foe. By way of perhaps the ultimate kiss-off, though, he'll regenerate into a woman & snog the man the Doctor had become two regenerations on from their last meeting, in a massive surprise.
MISSY: Apologies. Clearly you have not received the official 3W greetings package.
DOCTOR: Well, you know, it's just an unexpected.....



And now, as Tom Jones put it, she - the Master - is a lady. Woah-oh-oh....

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