Series Two starts off with everyone (Glenn, Hugh and Robyn - there in Terri's place) taunting Ollie about his romantic exploits with a girl who works for the Opposition.
Ollie then decides to tell Glenn and Hugh that Malcolm has forced Terri to resign. This sparks some hilarious remarks from Hugh.
GLENN: Hugh, I have some wonderful news for you, Terri’s gone.Ollie then tells Hugh and Glenn that Malcolm has called him to go up to No. 10 for the day. It's there we are introduced to one of my favorite characters, Jamie. He has an interesting conversation with Malcolm which kicks off the next scene.
HUGH: What?
GLENN: Terri. Terri’s gone.
HUGH: What do you mean gone?
OLLIE: Yeah, resignations bluff that went ary.
HUGH: No!
OLLIE: Yeah, she’s fucked.
HUGH: Yeah! Oh result! Whoo whoo! Alright! Come on! HIGH FIVE!
ROBYN: Secretary of State, um, just to let you know, Terri’s father had a stroke.
HUGH: What?
ROBYN: It’s pretty serious. So she’s going to be gone quite a while.
HUGH: Oh dear, that’s awful. I’m so sorry. (Glaring at Ollie)
OLLIE: I’m sorry, I was just shitting you, it was just an early morning joke.
HUGH: I was that close to buying champagne and Ritz crackers. (To Robyn) Sorry, it’s just a stupid, he made a joke.
JAMIE: Have you seen the whips numbers?Jamie and Malcolm talk about the MOD overspend, a story they’re trying to leak at an appropriate time in an attempt to get their version out in the public. Meanwhile Ollie, Hugh and Glenn are examining Ollie’s new phone. Glenn and Hugh take a picture of themselves so that Ollie will remember them when he goes over to No. 10. Malcolm introduces him in his own style...
MALCOLM: NOMFP
JAMIE: Eh?
MALCOLM: NOMFP. N O M F P, Not My Fucking Problem, I quite like that do you like that?
JAMIE: I like it.
MALCOLM: I think I’ll use that a lot today.
MALCOLM: Is that true that you shagged that Shadow Defense bird?Robyn, Glenn and Hugh head off to do a factory visit. Meanwhile, Malcolm gets Ollie to ask his girlfriend about the MOD overspend and see what he can learn so that they can get a different angle on the story. So Ollie calls Emma, and in the background we have one of my favorite lines, with absolutely no context to the episode, it’s just Malcolm Tucker hilarity...
OLLIE: Not exactly.
MALCOLM: Jamie, this is Ollie.
JAMIE: What? THE Ollie? The stuck one up the Opposition for us Ollie? Good fucking man. Good to meet you.
MALCOLM: This is Jamie, he’ll be looking after you.
OLLIE: Oh, he’s another Scott I see, does everyone have to be in the Caledonian Mafia to uh…
MALCOLM: Everybody, this is Ollie. He’s the guy that fucked the Opposition for us!
OFFICE WORKERS: Eh!
OLLIE: Well, that was quite the introduction.
MALCOLM: How much fucking shit is there on the menu? And what FUCKING FLAVOR IS IT? Is it black? Is it red? Is it fucking tan? Is it runny? Is it hot? What the fuck is it?Hugh arrives at the factory and is ambushed with a question from a member of the public. “Do you know what it’s like to clean your own mother’s piss?” His inability to answer or deal with her makes Hugh look incompetent. She continues going on and on about cleaning her own mother's piss to anyone who will listen.
Finally, when she's addressing Glenn for the hundredth time, he snaps and can't take any more. Here we get our sweary quote of the episode.
GLENN: Can you please shut up for one fucking minute! I’m asking nicely.In the heated situation, Glenn does the funniest possible thing and gives her a phone number so she can get help with her situation. The number he gives her is Ollie’s, so now he gets to deal with the “Piss Woman”.
Settling on a way to divert the media attention from a worse story, Malcolm and Jamie ask Ollie to put Hugh in the firing line, so that he takes the biggest hit from the media. Ollie goes over to Mark Davis at ITN and it’s here that we get the non-sweary quote of the episode.
MALCOLM: Have you sorted it Ollie? Shall I send Jamie over? Would you like that? You and Jamie with a rubber truncheon locked in that newsroom together? Make me happy.With Hugh pleading with Ollie to keep him out of it, Ollie gives Mark Davis the picture Glenn had taken of himself earlier, so they can run the story with the sound clip of Glenn telling the “Piss Woman” to "shut up for one fucking minute"! Hugh calls Ollie after seeing the news story and congratulates him on shifting the attention onto Glenn. The episode ends with the “Piss Woman” telling Ollie that she’ll call him every day until they figure out her mother’s situation.
Andrew Jero lives in Iowa and has a very strong love of both Red Dwarf and Doctor Who. He enjoys acting and writing plays, television scripts, and short stories. Follow Andrew on Twitter.
